Journey to a Doctorate (Or, "There and back again...."

One Week and Counting

2009-08-18T08:46:00.000-07:00

Well, it is one week and counting until the new semester. As I write, there is lots of noise in the hallway outside my office. Not because there are happy students off to class, but because, for some ungodly reason, all the sorority rush girls choose to use the bathroom two doors down. Now this is really not a good thing - there are only two stalls in this restroom. However, one floor directly up there is a perfectly good restroom with plenty of waiting room and five stalls! On top of this, there are no offices to be disturbed up there. I have posted THREE signs to let people know of this much better opportunity, and we still are getting wave after wave every fifteen minutes or so of chattering greek girl wanna-bes discussing their sex lives outside our offices, at the top of their lungs! This will continue all week - I don't know if I can handle it. :(

This is the week of bad news. Doug found out that he has prostate cancer. Somehow, I thought this would maybe come in ten or fifteen years, when he was much older. Fifty-three just seems really young for such a disease. We are holding (desperately) onto the literature which says that there is a 95% cure rate for most prostate cancer. The urologist has decided that "seeding" his prostate with radioactive beads will be the least invasive treatment. If the oncologist agrees, then that will happen. After five weeks or so, then he will have radiation treatments as well. Of course, we are in "wait mode" - xrays to be scheduled, the visit to the oncologist, etc. I HATE having such a thing hovering over our heads. I hope that God will make all this unnecessary by healing him!

Getting One Semester Older

2009-08-10T07:22:00.000-07:00

It is a very strange thing to realize that you are getting older. I guess because I am around many younger people all the time, I don't think about the fact that I am old enough to be some of their mothers! But the drawbacks are beginning to be noticable. For instance, I have a hard time memorizing things, where I never did before. I also find that I can't pull all-nighters to study for tests or write papers. I had to laugh - Friday I heard another student telling one of our custodians that she stayed up all night writing a case study because it was due (end of semester). After 9:00, I am officially wiped! I can read for pleasure, but not for retention. And forget writing anything that needs to be understandable. Which is really dumb, because I almost always get plenty of sleep (a lesson I learned BEFORE I got older!)

I am really happy the semester is at an end. Summer is an odd term - you might have classes in summer A, summer B, or summer C (mine were all summer C classes), your schedule is off (but I've enjoyed being at the RV more), and worst of all, the money is a lot less! I'll be glad when fall semester assistance starts. However, I got some nice grades (but there is one I'm not too happy about!) and enjoyed the classes I took (for the most part). I am looking forward to my fall classes, which will be Data Collection, School Reform, and Critical Pedagogy. Lots of reading to do (books will be over $300.00, which is a whole different issue), but the courses themselves look to be interesting. One more semester after this, and I'll be done with coursework. Once I take my qualifying exams, I will officially be a doctoral candidate. Yea!

Finally Done

2009-08-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

I am finally done - in two areas. First of all, we are officially moved. Our house has been rented, and the new tenants took possession on Sunday. It was a strange feeling, looking out windows from empty rooms that you know you will never live in again. I promised myself not to cry, and I didn't - at least on Sunday.

Secondly, summer semester is officially over tonight. I had a final project to turn in, which is done and ready to go, and now I can rest for a couple of weeks until school starts back on the 24th. I am looking forward to having no deadlines to make, no papers to write, no "school" reading to do.

I am looking forward to reading what I want to read, doing what I want to do on the computer, and getting my RV back into shape. We moved some things in here (very few, since we have NO storage space), and Doug is going to take out the generic RV table, benches, and sofa, and put in our own table, chairs, and sofa. Right now, the only floor space is taken up with the sofa to be put in, Kallie's pillow, and Kallie's body, which is currently sprawled across the free floor space, snoring! Oh, to have a dog's life - somebody to feed you, play with you, and the ability to sleep all you want to! Life is good!

Fall is a'Coming

2009-07-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

Well, it is the end of the summer, almost August 1st, and life moves on. We have rented our house, and turn it over on Saturday to our renters. It will be very strange to visit Jacksonville and not have my car turn automatically into Glynlea Park (which, by the way, I never knew was the official name of our neighborhood! I always thought it was just Glynlea). I hope it will be a good change. At least I do like living in north central Florida.

Summer term has one more week to go, and I have to say that I will be glad to get back to some semblance of order. My summer schedule has been out of whack, and it makes for some internal chaos as well. Getting back to a regular schedule (if anything I do at UF can remotely be called "regular") will be good. I will only have three classes during Fall term, since that is what my TA position covers. One I'm not to thrilled about, but it may fool me, at least I hope. The other two are going to be good.

We got to see Bethany, Nathan, and Austin this past weekend at our niece, Carlie's, wedding. She wanted her grandmother to be able to attend, so even though she grew up in Houston and now lives in Arkansas, she and Kevin decided to get married in Jacksonville. It was truly a family wedding, with only one or two friends who attended. We did, however, have over 75 people there, some from as far away as England! The wedding was beautiful and truly "Carlie-ish" - anytime the bride walks down the aisle, turns to the assembly and says, "Hello, everyone," you know it will be a unique wedding. Doug married them, and the service was very pretty.

Austin is now walking, but he is the funniest thing - he walks around in a circle. I don't know what that indicates about his personality, but he has great fun doing it! However, crawling is still the quickest way to escape! He looked very dapper at the wedding in his little tuxedo and dress shoes, which came off as quickly as possible after his stint as ring bearer was over. Overalls and a onesie is just lots more comfortable - I wished I could have been in my jeans too. He was great, once he decided that that guy he didn't know (Mikie) who was carrying him and his little pillow down the aisle was okay. Still, he was glad not to have to stay up front with the bride and groom!

With this wedding, Doug and I now have three married nieces, one married nephew (who is going to be a daddy in the fall!), another nephew or two who are engaged, another niece about to be married next month, a great-niece and three great-nephews...the list goes on. It is very strange to be considered a great-aunt when I see myself as only really being 29. After my mom's 80th birthday in May, we all decided that at 50, you start counting down again, making her only 30, and Doug and me only 3! That's a much better way to look at things, I think. As Bilbo Baggins said, "The road goes ever onward...."

I'll be glad when cooler weather gets here. One of Darrall's sisters-in-law, who has been staying in her mountain home in North Carolina, has had temperatures in the 60's. We agreed that it was awful having to come back to Florida and 95+ degree temperatures. She and her family were returning this week to their south Florida home, so it will continue to be a big shock! One new experience is typical Florida thunder and lighting occurring while you are living in what is essentially a metal box! It can be very disconcerting to have lighting popping all around you while you are also surrounded by windows. Lightening is not my favorite force of nature, and when I can't get anywhere where there aren't windows close by, I get a little antsy! However, the upside of it all is the sound of rain on a tin roof ~ very comforting.

Miss You, Daddy

2009-06-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Father's Day. My dad has been gone now for 30 years, and I still miss him. I miss getting to know him as an adult - I was just 22 when he died, and so didn't have too many "adult" conversations with him. I miss him knowing his granddaughter. He would have loved her and been so proud of her accomplishments. I miss getting to take care of him as he grew older. Yes, I was "Daddy's girl" and I'm proud of it! So for all you who have fathers still around, value your time with them. And if you, like me, are missing your dad, know that I can understand.

And It Just Keeps on Getting Better!

2009-06-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

Well, moving is just SO much fun. We spent the whole weekend packing, packing, packing - there are so many boxes in my house that you'd think we were a box company. The decisions are hard - is this something we can part with? Do we have space for it in the RV? (Hahahahahaha - stupid question!) Can we justify putting it in storage? Once the decision is made, then we get to decide if it needs to be in a box we can ultimately get at, or can it go in a box that can be put behind or under other boxes in storage? Twenty-five years in a house and nine months and counting in the RV equates with Aladdin's Genie - not the "colossal power" part, but "colossal stuff, itty-bitty living space" part! I'm so sore I can hardly move - but we're almost done, thank God. Luckily, the AC in our house works great - since the temp this weekend hovered around 100 degrees! I can't remember the last time it was this hot, but I sure am glad I didn't have to get out in it too much. I thought my little black car was going to melt into a puddle on the way back to Waldo yesterday. The AC there is good, but even it couldn't keep up! And the forecast is for more of the same for most of this week. I don't see how those who work outside can do it.

Long Time Gone Away

2009-06-17T09:27:00.000-07:00

I am so ashamed that I have neglected to post to my blog - it was a really packed semester, which is no excuse, but true! So - a summary of the last six months:

After my humiliating experience with quantitative research, I took a qualitative research class, and fell in love with the methods explained there. This is the way I think; stories are much more real for me than dry, statistical facts (might have something to do with being an English teacher at heart?). Anyway, I have to say, one semester on now, that I am grateful for my exposure to quantitative statistics. I can read research that uses those things and understand basically what I am reading, which is good. I'm just grateful that the dean of the college is allowing us to change the research requirements so that I don't have to take the second half of that course.
Spring was really busy with UFTeach. I took over more of the "management" of our Step I students, did many of their observations, and in short, enjoyed myself even more than during fall semester.
I had a wonderful experience in a class with a very diverse population of other doctoral students. Out of twenty or so enrolled, we had students from India, Pakistan, Costa Rica, Canada, Brazil; it was a great way to get a feel for how education is "done" around the world. We take what we do here in America so for granted, and it was great to get the ideas of others as well. Out of that experience I have had some time to put my English-teacher background back into practice as I have helped two of these students with some grammar issues in their writing. It just reminded me that American English sometimes makes no sense!
I had my first doctoral committee meeting: as my advisor said, "Getting through getting four professors in one room at one time (with all the conflicting schedules) will be the hardest thing you'll have to do in your doctoral program!" She was absolutely right. As I noted before, there is a learning curve to everything - I learned how to create an "appointment poll" on Doodle (actually, three!) in order to find out who could meet when. I have to admit, it beats using the phone, or tracking all four of them down personally! Anyway, my plan of study is done, and filed with the College, so I am just waiting out the next two semesters.
Doug and I made the difficult decision that it is time we moved on and sold our house in Jacksonville. To the unsentimental, this is not a momentous occasion, but to those of you like me, who tend to be sentimental, it was earthshattering. After all, the bulk of our lives has been lived in this house, Bethany was raised there, and friendships, relationships, and familiar places are all around there. But we both know that when we graduate, we will be moving on to other experiences, and so it was time. As we speak, we have a contract and will hopefully close within a month or so, if not earlier. I had forgotten all the bureaucratic nonsense that goes along with selling a house!
Small-town life continues to grow on me. It's been almost thirty years since I last lived in a small town, and I had forgotten how much fun it is. Sometimes more fun, sometimes less, as in when we have to drive ten miles to the closest grocery store (as opposed to less than two), twenty-five miles to the nearest mall (we've been twice! It's amazing what you can do without when gas is so high!), and seventy-five miles one way to get to work (for Doug) and to attend church. But the sunsets are beautiful over the trees behind our campground, they plant beautiful pink wildflowers in the median of Waldo Road going into Gainesville, I saw deer grazing all winter and spring as I drove home after classes (a little scary, though, when they loom up at you on the side of the road in the dark), and people are just more friendly. Florida can be a good place to be (if it just wasn't so hot),!

For the summer, I am taking two classes and working a reduced schedule for UFTeach, which is expanding. We are hiring two new master teachers before fall semester, so our teaching staff will double, as will my responsibilities in some ways. We already have twenty or so students registered for the new Step I classes, so our program expands, as well as two more classes of Step II. These are the classes we are the most concerned with; after Step II, our students go on to take other UFTeach classes taught by professors in the College of Education and the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences, and so are not with us anymore. Our growth is already better than our parent school program, UTeach, at the University of Texas, which is cause for celebration. We already have one of our students employed as a full-time teacher in Mississippi (he was too far along in his own program to finish ours, but he got a good grounding while he was with us). Life is good!

I don't have as busy a schedule as I have had, so I am enjoying reading for pleasure (James Rollins and Michael Crichton for my adventure fix, Anne MacCaffrey and J.K. Rowling for my sci fi/fantasy fix) and watching some movies. I have gotten behind in watching the DVD's I bought before school started, so I'm trying to catch up. Between that, and packing up the house, I am busy but not snowed under. Again, life is good!

Yep - He's a Cutie!

2009-01-29T07:00:00.000-08:00

"Who, us? We didn't do it!"

It is the strangest thing - I find myself head over heels in love with a new man! Not that Doug has to worry, since my new man is just eight months old. When I found out that Austin was on the way, I was a little disconcerted - I don't view myself as being old enough to be a grandmother (even though I certainly am). In fact, I had a hard time trying to come up with "non-grandmotherly" names that I felt comfortable with (nope, Granny is just not my style, so I settled on Nonnie). But the day he was born, I lost my heart to him. He was just the most beautiful baby (I know, I know - they all are, but he was something special!) I had ever seen, besides his mama. And now that he is more of a real person and has a personality, he is even more fun. The pictures explain it all!

"WOW!"

"Hmmm - is a mohawk really my style?"

New Semester, Same Old, Same Old

2009-01-29T06:40:00.000-08:00

Well, the new semester has begun, and just like the wise man said, "The more things change, the more they stay the same." I love being in school, but it SERIOUSLY cuts into my "ME" time! I have to sneak in light (think anything that isn't a textbook or article) reading and video watching in small increments, and then I feel really guilty taking the time to do that! It's particularly bad because I got my "fix" over the Christmas break when I watched all my favorite movies and read everything I wanted to read or reread (probably 20 or more books over the two weeks).

Classes are even more tailored to my interests this semester: There's Foundations of QUALITATIVE Research (yep, gave up on the old quantitative class!) which I love; Perspectives in Curriculum, Teaching, and Teacher Ed - this one is my first class with my advisor, whom I am really beginning to enjoy knowing; another "supervised research" class with her; and Distance Learning, which is an online course. I sure do wish I could do online courses for my whole doctorate - I really like that mode of instruction. In fact, I am hoping to teach an online course myself this summer (gotta earn some money for tuition - my grant money doesn't cover summer term).

It's nice to have made some friends, and to get unique perspectives from them in class discussions. At this level, everyone has so many neat experiences to bring to the class - I have several international friends who were educated in their home countries before coming here and I love to find out how education is different in say, Pakistan or Costa Rica, than here. My friends come from different subject backgrounds as well, and it is interesting to think about curriculum issues from a more broad focus.

And then there are the particularly "doctoral geek" issues, like the conversation the other morning with my friend Karina, who did her best to get me a passing grade in quantitative statistics last term. In my qualitative class this semester we are learning the proper way to analyse observations (called 'coding') we have made. Our class project is to figure out the rules for behavior in elevators, so we are doing rounds of observations in elevators. The conversation Karina and I had was related to how much my presence on the elevator as an observer changes behavior, and whether it would be good to have a video camera installed in the elevator to record behaviors when no one is observing, and see if they are different! Where else but in the rarefied atmosphere of a doctoral program would such conversations take place? :P I guess it shows our growing knowledge of high-level academia, at least.

Feels Like Home

2009-01-13T10:53:00.000-08:00

School is finally beginning to feel like home. I know people, and that always helps. We seem to take many of the same classes, despite our independent degree paths, so we see quite a lot of each other, and can commiserate with each other (or congratulate each other, depending upon the circumstances). I put a picture of Doug in my office (it took me the whole first semester to do this - I guess I didn't trust my luck to have found a place to perch) so it has become more mine than the closet that it truly is. Professors know my name (which is a nice change from other degrees on which I have worked). I even have a parking space - or at least, a space that I would like to call my own, if only someone else wouldn't park there. I've learned the early bird gets the parking space, but if I don't get here before 9:30 or so, I lose out and have to park on the other side of building. I never thought I'd be thankful for being a crip because of my ankle injury three years ago, but my handicapped parking tag allows me to park almost anywhere on campus! Sometimes, gratitude comes from the strangest things!

New Beginnings

2009-01-06T05:23:00.000-08:00

New beginnings are always fun! The first date with a new guy, the first day on a new job, the first day of school. Today is the first day of school! I love first days - other days, maybe not so well, but first days are great. My schedule is a little more free this semester - I have only two face -to -face classes (although one meets two days a week), but I have an on-line class, as well as "supervised research," which amounts to an independent study with my advisor. I can't wait! Anyway, I have my new notebooks, my new pens, my new books - but I just can't seem to find my new lunchbox! And it is such a cute one - My Little Pony! :)

Seriously, new beginnings are what give us motivation to keep going, to put behind us what is past, and move forward in our lives. Everybody should look for new beginnings in their lives.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T12:14:00.000-08:00

On this Christmas eve, I want to wish all my friends many things:

A good year to come. With the economy in such bad condition, and so many people out of work or losing their jobs, we can all wish that the year will be good.
Happiness. Everyone needs at least one piece of happiness. In the past few days I've had several pieces: a friend has gotten the baby she has long awaited, and is back in the US; a Christmas card photo from my daughter and son-in-law that makes me laugh uproariously every time I look at it (oh, Austin, your Nonnie loves that goofy grin!); a bill of clean health from the doctor in charge of an area I'd rather forget (!); the end of my first Ph.D. semester; time to read, and read, and read some more (fun reading, not article, after article, after article!)
Love. I know people who love me, and there are people that I love, so life is good.
Friendship. I've recently reconnected (electronically) with several friends from my teen years, and it has been fun to catch up on what life has dealt to us.
Joy. The true meaning of Christmas; the sacrifice that God made as he sent his Son to reconnect his people to him.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

End of Semester!

2008-12-12T07:11:00.000-08:00

Well, "happy day, happy day," the semester is over. One good thing about going to school, about the time you get tired of the classes you are taking, they're over! These courses have been seven weeks longer than the on-line courses I am used to, so I was getting pretty tired of them. I think I've done well this first semester in my Ph.D. program. I'm expecting A's in each class except for Statistics, where, if I get a B, I'll be doing the happy dance! It's hard to predict - even after studying more for this test than any test I can remember, I still left the room Monday night feeling very unsettled. Did I pass? Didn't I? This class has left me with a very unwelcome feeling of inadequacy that I haven't had in years. It's even sparked those "I forgot my locker combination" dreams I haven't had in years, either! Anyway, what is done is done, and I can't change any of it, so I just live for the day grades come out. Next semester, I'm hoping, will be different. I've decided just to drop the second part of this course, and start my three qualitative courses. They should be easier - qualitative research is the way my mind works, not quantitative research.

Success Comes in Small Doses

2008-12-03T08:33:00.000-08:00

As I have noted before, statistics is just not my bag! I can read papers that explain the numbers and understand that, but I just can't understand the t tests, and correlation coefficients, etc. I sometimes wonder that there is some top-secret statistics guy that sits in a hidden office somewhere, thinking up equations and weird names for all things statistical, just to confound those of us who just don't get it.

Anyway, we had review for our final exam last night. On one question, the heavens opened and the angel chorus sounded as Katrina, that right, me!, got an answer correct! I was flabergasted, to say the least! Maybe there is hope for me yet (but I still have lots that I don't get!).

My first semester is almost over, and things look good on the grades end of it, except for statistics. I'm hoping for divine intervention!

Ain't Technology Grand!

2008-11-29T17:22:00.000-08:00

I LOVE technology (not that I understand it, most of the time, but I love it)! We have recently downloaded Skype, which allows us to see our daughter, son-in-law, and our wonderful grandbaby Austin in real time. Tonight we watched him eat (a gourmet dinner of rice cereal and peaches - yum!). A week or so ago I spoke screen-to-screen with Sarah, a friend who is currently in Khazakstan to adopt her son. It was as clear as if we were just talking across Jacksonville, and not across the world with a twelve hour lag! The world has become so small, and we are so fortunate to be able to keep up with those around us no matter where they are. I only wish such technology was available when our child was little, so that her grandmother and aunts could have seen her grow up.

Another thing about technology that I love is that even those you would not expect to use their computers to keep in touch. I get "touched" regularly by Doug's mother, who lives in Ohio, and whom we do not get to see often enough. A sister-in-law in Indiana keeps me up to date on family matters. It is great!

I love to use SPSS (a statistics program) that will confirm what I am supposed to be figuring out by hand! At least I know I am getting the right answer, even if I have to calculate it by hand (and not admit that I have used SPSS! :P ) This next semester I will be taking an on-line course on, of all things, on-line courses! :) Some people really don't like on-line courses, but I LOVE them, and wish that I had been able to do my whole doctorate on-line. In fact, I may be teaching an on-line course in the summer myself.

Technology IS grand!

And a Happy Thanksgiving to You!

2008-11-26T10:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all. We have so much to be thankful for today. I am thankful for family - Bethany, Nathan, and Austin, Doug, and my sisters and mom, all of our "up northers" and "out westers", and all the others. I am thankful for my relationship with God.

Sunshine makes me thankful, and warmer weather (since it has been so cold down here) is something else to be thankful for. I know, it's not snow, but we have had real ice on our windows many mornings in the last two weeks.

I'm thankful for the peacefulness of the campground where we are living. The highway is far enough away that there is just a murmur of traffic (except when the trucks pull into the Sunoco station), and with woods behind us, we are calm and quiet. I'm not here a lot in the daytime, so I really appreciate how quiet it is during the day.

I'm thankful for friends - I've reconnected with several lately through Facebook, and made new ones in Gainesville. Friends really enrich our lives. We need to keep that in mind, because we sometime lose them at a moment's notice, and we should always affirm our relationships with them.

I'm thankful for warm puppy tummies, and cold puppy noses. I'm thankful for beautiful trees; even in Florida we have some that change colors, and they have been really pretty this week. I'm thankful for life.

And most of all, I'm thankful for turkey!

What Life is Like at UF

2008-11-23T18:06:00.001-08:00

Life at UF so far has been a comedy of "good news/bad news" situations. This all began in the first week of May, when I applied to UF's doctoral program. The good news was I had been assured that I was a shoo-in to be accepted. The bad news was it took until the end of July, just three weeks before classes began, to find out that I indeed was officially accepted. It seems that all the secretaries, admissions people, and professors leave town as soon as the summer session is over, and nothing gets done until the week before classes begin!

The second "good news/bad news" event happened about a week before classes began. I was not thrown off the turnip truck yesterday - I do know that if you want to get anything done at a college, waiting until classes start is a bad idea. So, in my "get all my ducks in a row" fashion, I decided to take one afternoon to do three things: attend a workshop at the UF library, get my ID card, and get my parking permit (which I can't get on-line, because I have a handicap tag, and I had to show it in person at the UF police department to get my parking permit). Knowing his directionally-challenged wife, Doug decided to take the afternoon off to come to Gainesville with me, which turned out to be good news (which I'll explain later).

I knew where the library was (actually, I now know that there are nine UF libraries - I just got lucky with this one), and the room the workshop was to be held in. When we got to UF, the bad news was finding a legal parking place close to the library. In fact, the bad news is ALWAYS finding a legal parking place anywhere at UF! I refuse to buy a bike! Anyway, the good news was that we finally found one, but the bad news was we had to search for the way into Library West. When we finally got inside, the good news was that there is a Starbucks on the first floor! (The bad news is that I never have to go over to that library now, and the Education library doesn't have a Starbucks!). We marched right up to the circulation desk, and asked the nice student worker where the room was for the workshop. The good news is that the library offers these workshops regularly - the bad news is that they forget to tell the nice student workers that they are having them! The door to the computer room was locked, and the librarian giving the workshop was five minutes late getting there for the workshop, but we finally got started.

Once the workshop was over, we asked the nice student worker (again!) where the UF police department was located so I could get my parking permit. The bad news was that UF has neglected to tell the nice student workers where the police department is! Thinking to capitalize on good news, I asked for a campus map. The bad news was that the map box had no maps, and the student workers (by now there were three of them) didn't know where to find another map. More bad news was that the other two nice student workers didn't know where the police department was either! We finally got a mumbled "I think it's over there," and off we went. After driving "over there" and past "over there" three or four times, we stopped a nice Shands Hospital nurse walking on the sidewalk who said, "Well, it's right there!" Of course it was! Except the bad news was that in typical UF fashion, the sign outside the building said something like "Department of Cows," not "UF Police Department!" It took parking and going halfway down the interior sidewalk to find the "UF Police Department" sign!

The good news was there was only one student in line ahead of me. The bad news was she got the competent worker bee, and we got the nice, but new, 80 year old man who didn't know how to issue a parking permit. Twenty minutes later, after an engaging but slow conversation with the man, I had my permit and, I thought, 35 minutes in which to go three blocks to the Student Union to get my ID card. Good news, three blocks away. Bad news, despite the published closing hour of 5:00, the lights were out and the door locked at 4:25, even though the worker bee was still inside there. After fussing and cussing under my breath, we walked back to the car. Doug, being the nice guy he is, pointed out the bad news - the worker bee had left the office and was walking right behind us, close enough to hear my anti-worker bee comments! Oh, well, what a way to start a school year!

Such fiascos continue with great regularity. The other day I received an email - the good news was I could get my flu shot at the infirmary for only $5.00! The bad news was that it took almost an hour to figure out from the campus map (which I now know is on-line) which building is the infirmary (actually, the on-line map put it in two different locations, blocks apart - I still haven't figured that one out!). We ended with good news this time - I found the place, got the shot quickly, with hardly any wait, and it was really cheap, which is good news to this poor, starving student.

More good news, bad news: It has taken me forever to figure out Norman Hall, the building where all education classes are held, and where the Education Library is located. The good news is this is a beautiful building made up of an old public school (beautiful architecture) and the newer surrounding buildings (not quite so beautiful) which gave the College of Education the extra space it needed. The bad news is the room numbering system in Norman. We have G-XXX rooms in "new Norman" on the ground floor. We have 1XXX and 2XXX numbers in "new Norman" on the first and second floors (which, if you think about it logically, should be the second and third floors). We have XXX numbers in "old Norman", which has the ground floor, then the first, second and third floors (again, which should be floors 1 -4). The Education library sits in between the two buildings. It has the first floor (on the same level as the ground floor in the other buildings), the second floor (on the same level as the first floor in the other buildings, and so on). The bad news is, in some cases, "you can't get there from here!" is what you hear when you ask where a particular office or room is. Oh, well, life at UF is always an adventure!

And The Headline Read...

2008-11-22T13:30:00.000-08:00

The headline in The Spinnaker, the University of North Florida's student newspaper, read "Family Mourns Death of UNF's Own". When Doug emailed me last week to tell me that the campus police at UNF had found a student who had taken his own life, I almost cried. Then, when I read the article yesterday, I did cry. This student had shot himself in one of the parking garages on campus. His mother thought he might have been depressed over a statistics class he was struggling with (THAT I can understand, not to make light of a horrible thing). But I thought, what a waste. Why didn't he talk to someone, get some help, something? What I am really scared about as I contemplate becoming a professor is having just such a thing happen to one of my students - and not even knowing that the student needed some help. I have long ago resigned myself to the fact that I can't save all the kids that come through my classroom, but I still try to do it. I really wonder what is going through the heads of those kids I work with now. Will my comment on the evaluation of the lesson they just taught be the last straw for them? The college classroom creates a much more distant relationship than my middle school classroom ever did, but I think these kids need just as much love and nurture, in a place that is not as conducive to give it.

Statistics? Bah, humbug!

2008-11-22T13:10:00.000-08:00

I love being a student again. I have ALWAYS loved being a student. I breezed right through my masters degree, and right through my specialist degree, but being a Ph.D. student is a horse of a different color. When I asked the wizard for a new degree, he sent me to the awful land of statistics, with its twin wicked witches, reliability and validity. For all I understand, they could be flying monkeys! It seems I either ace a piece of homework, or I "fail" it (in as much as a "C" in a class of this level can be considered failing). I have never in my whole life felt so inadequate. I should be better at what I am doing, I keep telliing myself; I've had statistics before. But a three-hour-straight PowerPoint-driven lecture course in which I take notes as quickly as I possibly can, and flag down the professor when I have to, is kicking me in the butt. I understand qualitative research, where people look at case studies, and write about them in narrative format. But quantitative research, where I have to interpret a table or graph, and try to determine why "p<0.05" is even important, that I just can't seem to get (and why is it called "p" in the first place, I ask, but to no avail?). Other professors smile knowingly, and tell me "This, too, shall pass!" I think it is the doctoral version of hazing, actually. If you can live through this, you can live through anything! My only consolation is that everybody else in the class is in the same quandry. Many conversations with the professor begin with: "Since I can't fail this course..." - I guess misery does love company. I am grateful that Karina, my new friend in all things statistical, is a teacher at heart (and a math teacher in reality), and loves to try to help me understand. I think she sees me as a challenge!

Our Newest Interest

2008-11-22T12:43:00.000-08:00

This has become the new love of my life: My grandson, Austin. When I first learned I was going to be a grandmother, I was astounded. Me? But, I really am not old enough to be a grandmother, I thought (although I really am). It takes a little getting used to the idea that your baby is having a baby, even though your baby is 28, well past the age at which you had her!

Anyway, it is totally indescribable: the feeling you get when you first look into the eyes of your new grandchild. He has the most infectious smile, and is the best baby, even putting up with his "Boy, I forgot all about how babies ..." grandmother's fumbling attempts to hold him. I was sick when he was born, and sick a couple of months later, so all he knew of me was a talking mask with eyes! I'm sure he thought he'd been given over to an alien being! But watching him grow from birth to the ripe old age of 7 months has been great. I only wish we lived closer, or had more time to visit every day.

The Journey Has Begun

2008-11-22T11:03:00.000-08:00

As Tolkien once said, "All who wander are not lost," and I feel like all my wanderings have brought me to this point in my life. I have taken a BIG step, and begun doctoral studies toward a Ph.D. in Curriculum, Instruction, and Teacher Education. As I look back over my years of education and teaching, on this side I can see that each and every experience has moved me incrementally toward this one. Sometimes I question why I would go back to the whole "starving student" routine again when Doug and I were living comfortably and enjoying life. But there has always been that little itch for more - more education, more being a student, more desire to influence those around me for the better. This is why I am pursuing my doctorate at a time in my life when others like me are contemplating retirement.

Leaving the classroom for the first time in eighteen years has been a little more traumatic than I thought it would be. When pre-planning week rolled around in August, I woke up several nights feeling like I had forgetten that I was supposed to be fixing up my classroom and getting ready for students. I am surprised that I miss the kids so much - there were days last year when all I could think of was being a student again, and not having to DEAL with students. :) But I have found some surrogate students in the program in which I now work, UFTeach. It is funny to find out that undergrads (mostly freshmen) aren't much different from middle schoolers in their outlooks on life!

It took me several weeks to find my new niche. First of all, I spent three hours a day roundtrip commuting to Gainesville. Now, while I know others that do it, I was just exhausting myself - up early to get to campus in time, then driving back at 8:15 at night, too tired to do any homework. Not a real good way to be a student! My time on campus was a chaotic mush of trying to study, working as a TA, and going to class. That was finally resolved as Doug and I decided to set up a second home closer to Gainesville. We have officially become what I call "sandbirds" (similar to snowbirds, but since we aren't leaving the far north for the sunny south, I had to coin a new term). We now live in our fifth wheel RV in the big metropolis of Waldo (population probably less than 500, even if you count the permanent moto-cross bikers in the campground next door). Going back to small-town living after thirty years has been an adventure. Our first week in Waldo we went looking for downtown Waldo, only to find that we were already there! We did at least find the post-office, a good breakfast place, and the closest Walmart (in Starke, eight miles away). Distances just seem so much farther when all you are passing is pine trees! But I can get to school in 25-30 minutes (just like in Jacksonville) and am much more rested.

Living in an RV has been a true adjustment in thinking. Our moving-in process was a little traumatic - we had planned on living in Starke (more halfway for both of us), but in the two weeks it took to plan for, find, and purchase our RV, the KOA filled up with true snowbirds. We panicked - our RV was about to be delivered and we had nowhere to deliver it. Luckily we found a new campground with excellent facilities in Waldo. It really tickled my sense of the ironic - since the campground is new (the grand opening was not even scheduled until November), there are forty pristine paved campsites with full hook-ups, and when we moved in, we were only the second residents! All this open space for two RVs! However, I am proud to say that we now boast an eclectic population - the site managers, us, a semi-retired couple with a fifth wheel bigger than ours, a writer, and a husband/wife pair of anesthesiologists who are working at the VA hospital in Gainesville. Of course, we have those one or two-nighters that come in, but the rest of the time it is just us permanent residents.

Trying to reduce our "stuff" to fit our small space is a real experience. Doug refused to let me move all my books (yep, all those paperbacks and professional books won't fit), so I take down two or three, and try to bring some back every week or two. So far, I have only a little time to actually read for leisure, so not many have made the trip. I had forgotten how you have to postpone "good" reading until semester breaks when you are a student! Our first trip or two to the grocery store (which, by the way, is anywhere from 8 - 20 miles away, depending on which one you visit) showed us the folly of trying to buy more than two or three days' worth of groceries. The refrigerator and cabinets in the kitchen are just not big enough! Now, we buy a few things at a time, so it will all fit. As for clothes, shoes, and everything else, we have to continually bring in things. The weather turned, so now our closets are packed with cooler weather clothes, and I guess some warm weather clothes will have to come back to Jacksonville soon. It gets colder down there (we actually have had ice, and not just frost, on our car windows the past two weeks), so we have had an adjustment in the way we dress. However, we really have enjoyed our downsizing experience. Now I know that we could be permanent RVers.